Rules of the Game

Talk About Twins
where parents of multiples come for answers

Twin Views:
Rules of the Game

My fraternal twins are great playmates, which can be both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, they have this incredible imagination and the ability to turn virtually anything into a game.

Take this afternoon, for instance, when they found a ten-foot long, plastic pipe at the side of the yard (a castoff from a recent do-it-your-self irrigation system project). They easily pulled it into the backyard and presto, an instant game of “Try to Smack Your Twin.” As always, the rules were never discussed beforehand, but rather made up as they went along. First, one boy held the tube and began to slowly turn around and around. Then his brother jumped in and ran in his wake trying to avoid being lightly lashed with the pole. Once hit, you’re it! This may not seem like much of a game to you and me, but by the sound of laughter echoing from the yard, you would have sworn they were riding the Matterhorn in Disneyland. They kept at it for 45 minutes, just enough time for me to get dinner underway. (Now that’s a blessing!)

On the other hand, their comradeship can sometimes be a curse, like the time they decided to stage a treasure hunt in the backyard by hiding broken shards of glass that they had fished out of the recycling bin, or the morning I walked into the kitchen to find my twins on all fours under the table pretending to be dogs licking up a sea of scattered Cheerios.

And then there’s the constant noise that these 24/7 playmates create. Often when someone calls my home during one of the twins’ epic Bionicle battles complete with high-pitched sound effects, the unsuspecting caller think she’s accidentally reached the city zoo. Yet if you’d ask them, they’d say that’s one of the perks of having a twin—someone who thinks blowing milk from his nose is funny and who’s always ready to experiment with the garden hose. As a parent, most days I benefit, too (playing with jagged glass or licking the kitchen floor notwithstanding). I rarely hear the words, “I’m bored,” or “Can we call (fill in the blank)?” Most of us singletons remember at sometime in our childhood being lonely on a Saturday afternoon, wishing for a playmate. Our older siblings easily rejecting us opting for a trip to the mall with their friends instead, and the thought of hanging out with our baby brother —well, we just couldn’t do it! Yet if we had a twin, there would have always been someone to play with, even if it was just someone to pick a fight with.

Like most moms of twins, I encourage their bond, yet sometimes I inadvertently get in the way of their making outside friends. As their social secretary, I get complacent, downright lazy, allowing them to play exclusively with just each other for days, forgetting that they need to socialize with other kids. I want them to be exposed to all types of children and personalities, to build other outside friendships, to learn the art of compromise and negotiation. Yet sometimes it’s just too much trouble to arrange double play dates, and it’s easier to just let them be. After all, they’re having fun!

My twins are independent boys (they’re in separate classes in school, each with a different group of friends), but when they do get together, they have that connection where they intuitively understand each other’s rules of the game. I’ve noticed, too, that when we head to the public pool or park, it takes a very special type of child who can quickly break the code and successfully join in their fun. On occasion, however, I’ve had to discreetly step in and explain to my boys that they need to share those rules with others. Fortunately most times they understood my point and the game went on.

I know as they grow older they will build lasting friendships with others—as they should—depending less upon each other for daily entertainment. Yet at the same time, throughout the rest of their lives they’ll always be partners connected by their twinship. And that’s something special indeed.

—Christina Tinglof, editor


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