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Home > Toddler Twins > Nurturing the Twin Bond
Toddler Twins:
Nurturing the Twin Bond
Like many multiples, my fraternal twin boys are close but it wasn’t until recently that I was reminded how strong their bond truly is. I was going through their school backpacks, leafing through graded class assignments when one in particular caught my eye. The heading read, “My Best Friend,” and there was a crayon rendering of both my twins holding hands with big smiles on their faces. Just the sight of it made my eyes well up with tears.
The Ties That Bind
Unlike single-born children, twins have a unique connection. “The twin bond is important since it’s a relationship that really started in utero,” says Eileen Pearlman, a licensed marriage, family, and child therapist who lectures on multiple birth issues and is the author of Raising Twins: What Parents Want to Know (And What Twins Want to Tell Them). “Even in the womb, there was a lot of working together sharing a very small space.” 
Yet it’s not only this preordained creation that makes the twin bond so special; there are other forces at work, too. From a practical point of view, most young twins do everything together from eating and sleeping to bathing and playing. Although done to save time (and a parent’s sanity), this high access to each other has an added bonus—helping to cement a strong intratwin relationship. “My fraternal twin boys, Luis and Leonel, are nineteen months old and have never been apart for more than an hour,” says Wendy de Munoz of Montreal, Canada. And while she admits that they argue and push like all other young kids learning to cooperate and share, she also sees a strong innate attachment. “They hug, kiss, and cuddle all the time. If one gets hurt, the other will go and rub his head, doing all this on their own ninety-five percent of the time.”
Lisa Odorizzi’s two-and-a-half-year-old identical twin daughters, Hailey and Ashley, are close, too. “If one wakes from a nap first, she waits patiently for the other to get up. They cover each other with blankets, give each other sippy cups or the puppy,” says the Mt. Olive, Ill. mom. “We have always told them how important it is to be nice to each other but I think the friendship is just there.”
The third factor contributing to the twin bond, Pearlman explains, is that they become each other’s transitional objects—you know, that teddy bear or security blanket that helps to ease the pain when Mommy’s not around. “That teddy bear can also be replaced with a twin,” she says. “If Mommy’s not here but my twin is, that will soothe me.”
It’s that helping each other in times of stress that allows many multiples to more easily adjust to unfamiliar situations. “My twins were getting ready for preschool for the first time,” remembers Kim Clayton, “and Max grabbed Emily’s hand and said, ‘It’s OK. We’re doing it together!’ Like he knew she was nervous or something.” The Monroe, New Jersey mom is still amazed by her three year olds connection to each other. “I see now that their bond is there whether or not I tell them to do or say something nice to each other.”
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Give your multiples lots of praise when one does something considerate or nice for the other.
Take each twin shopping individually to buy a special birthday or holiday gift for the other.
